Living Faith 
in life

Sunday Mass these days is more like a lesson in gymnastics while my husband and I struggle to control three little ones five and under. Just last Sunday, the toddler was convinced that the pews are actually a climbing frame, the oldest was practising his spiderman web shooter moves and the baby spent the time loudly announcing her intention to chew the seat in front of her. I just wanted to be able to get through the Our Father and make it up and down to receive Holy Communion with everyone still wearing all their shoes.

Thankfully we’re not alone. When I look around on a Sunday morning I see a whole host of parents in similar situations, and it’s wonderful to see so many families. Some of the children may not be as young as ours; some have even younger; some have more; some have less. But all of us appear to have one thing in common (and no, it’s not trying to get through Mass) – we’re trying to raise our family as best we can, aware that we need may some element of supernatural assistance from our faith! As much as I need that assistance, I think I’d be lying if I said I’m always full of spirit and zeal when returning from Sunday Mass with the little ones. There are many times when I have been so distracted the whole way through and as a result I struggle to remember the Gospel or find myself asking “What did Father preach about this morning?” I’m not proud of that; I’m just being honest. I think any other parent there is in the same position. Despite that I’m fully aware that in order for me to live my life as a wife and mother as best I can, I need that help from God. I am also fully aware that nurturing this relationship takes more than an hour on a Sunday morning. I am willing to be there despite my hair being pulled throughout, my toddler climbing under the seats and my five year old’s running commentary because I know it’s worth it. I know the Mass means something to my life. And I still struggle.

I know I shouldn’t judge the thoughts of those around me but I do wonder, are they thinking it would be easier not to bother? Juggling young children or trying to persuade reluctant teenagers to come to Mass every weekend is not easy, especially if the parent is not completely convinced themselves. It could be all too easy to just give up and think it isn’t worth the hassle. I’m fortunate enough to receive help and advice on my spiritual life outside of the homily on a Sunday Mass, but I often wonder if my situation was different would I too be left thinking, what does this really mean to me? How does this actually connect to anything else I do during the rest of my week? How does Sunday Mass and this faith I profess actually help me in anything I have to do throughout the week? Are those people in the pews thinking does this actually relate to my life as a wife, husband, mother, father, daughter, son?

I get the impression that there’s a sense of gratitude just to have people in the church on a Sunday that perhaps the boat shouldn’t be rocked too much, or that a priest is concerned he will appear judgmental so will steer away from anything that might be an issue of contention, or that they want to give people a form of entertainment. Those intentions are well meaning, but they are lacking and are ultimately detrimental. Please don’t assume that just because there are people in pews in front of you, that they do not need evangelising; that they’re not struggling to make sense of their faith and grapple with matters of doctrine. Rather than generic homilies, give the faithful advice from the pulpit that is fitted to the times we’re living in. Give people a reason to be in that pew.

Just a few days ago, I got into a Facebook discussion with a complete stranger which is something I never, ever do. She had just had a baby and had been prescribed a contraceptive pill by her doctor. In her heart of hearts, she knew this just didn’t feel right and was making enquiries about natural family planning. She knew deep down that this was want she wanted but lacked the knowledge and conviction to believe it herself and explain to her doctor. Let me respectfully put a question to the priests who may be reading this, when was the last time you dropped a line into a homily about the Church’s teaching on natural family planning? Or pointed out somewhere married couples could seek information? I mention this one example not to be negative or insulting towards the priests who are ministering to the faithful but the world is not faith friendly and the flock are harassed and dejected. People need guidance in matters of faith and doctrine – where else will they get the tools to give account for the things they believe? Why is the Church so against gay marriage? Why can’t married couples use contraception? Why would you want another child anyway? What’s the big deal with cohabitation? The Church has a responsibility to uphold the natural law which underpins divine law.

I know that some of these issues may require delicacy and perhaps priests may worry that their voice is not welcome in the discussion. But saying a priest is not qualified to speak on these matters is a little like saying that a doctor needs to have had every illness before they can make a diagnosis, or that a teacher should have trouble reading or writing in order to teach children with additional learning needs. Frankly, it’s an argument that doesn’t stand up. And it doesn’t always have to tackle the huge moral issues; one of the best homilies I ever heard was about wives not nagging their husbands, husbands making a conscious effort to listen to their wives and children remembering to say thank you. Not huge things at all but in the context of everyday family life and marriage, those things can have huge consequences.

I’m very thankful for the Synod on the Family which will be taking place in October this year. There has already been the Extraordinary Synod last year, and in October the Bishops and Cardinals will be meeting again to discuss extremely important issues concerning family life and assisting people who may be in difficult pastoral situations. It’s wonderful that the Church is making every effort to help the faithful in their personal relationship with God, to appreciate their marriage and family for building up the Church. Sadly, I have heard very little about it in local parishes but I know that will not be the case everywhere. I would urge every priest to encourage prayer for the Synod in their parishes. And also to keep the faithful updated with the catechesis the Pope is giving on the family. Help your flock to recognise that their family can a model of the Holy Family and it is there that they can build their relationship with God and ultimately live a holier life. Then they can clearly see how meeting our Lord in Sunday Mass really does relate to their lives, despite the gymnastics from the children!